Broken Promises

I promised myself I would be free from this when I left the last guy. I broke the promise I made to me
      I said I would be free and no man would ever cage me again in this morbid life where I make
        my home in the arms of men who are undeserving of my love, life and time. yet each time
          I find myself here. Am I looking to sabotage what is meant to be the best time of my
            life with excuses and abuse. I do not and will never believe so. I think I gravitate
              towards the most desolate and lost souls and try to use my light to give them
                hope and underestimate my ability to be corrupted by the darkness they
                   exhube. I am withering away in my own skin, as each day goes by
                      I watch myself sitting in the corners of the house in tears and
                         shivering. Begging to be helped and only being met with
                            the cold and abusive humiliation of the great bully
                               of my life. There is no bottom to the well of
                                  his despair and he will watch me be taken
                                    down until there is nothing left of me.
                                      And all the light I shed on this wo-
                                         rld will have been lost and mea-
                                           ningless. I will be replaced
                                             by his next victim and the
                                              cycle will continue. I
                                                find myself fearing
                                                 the dying of the
                                                   light, A mom-
                                                    ent I feel dr-
                                                      aws near.
                                                       Save me,
                                                        sweet
                                                          baby.
                                                      

Night Terrors

My inner child comes out

and I revel in your pain.

You asked me to stay

lying next to you

even though

I begged to leave,

you said

you needed me.

I told you

I could stay if you asked

and you uttered the words

quickly and tiredly.

Now it's 12:30a and you

are wide awake

and I'm beating my head

against the wall because

I fucking let you terrorize me

into sleep and out of it again

and I'm tired and done.

This

can't

keep

happening.

I am so tired.

Do I sleep or rest eternal?

Acts of terror are commenced to feed the hungry crowds

while decisions are deliberated in higher courts.

The queen glances down to see a soldier

slain for entertainment

and cringes.

Nor for me,

or on my account.

By the time it begins and ends,

the brief moments bring

a thunderstorm of mischievous and malicious acts that have

forever altered the kingdom to areas

no longer accessible by any.

Good night.

4/20/17

Boss Fight

He brushed my hair out of my face sweetly and told me everything would be ok. We drove along the coast for months, only stopping when we were out of breath and blamed it on suffocation rather than inspect it closer. We collided together each time with a ferocity we both knew would fade overtime, only due to the fact that we were getting older and too tired too work this hard for a relationship. We both took solace in inviting another to turn out the holes left from past lovers and hope that the other could grow something out of the fresh soil. Eventually it caught up to us, and we grew tired, and bored? We fought over big and little things at every turn. Feelings were hurt, trusts broken, all over what? speculation? misunderstanding? The reunions became less joyous and more armor laden. Hoping the few days apart made us stronger and wiser and able to protect ourselves more during the onslaught from our lover. It was a constant barrage of painful words and memories. Stuck on repeat.
Now, he brushes my hair out of my face annoyedly, "sweetie, your hair is in your face" he says with hurried agitation. He no longer tells me everything is going to be ok, instead replacing it with, "If we really want this, we are going to have to put in a lot of work, tell me what you think you should work on?"
I knew I should have upgraded my armor during my last level up.
I am not strong enough for this boss.