Saturday, May 7, 2022

bonus material

 Ending versions: spoiler alert, winner is 4 in my verse. 

#1 

He walks in the door, bursting with excitement! He runs to her and grabs her up in a deep embrace.He knows that these things are solvable and wants to choose her and only her over and over again, in this life and the next. They embrace, and fuck, and live happily ever after. 

#2

He walks in the door, buzzing with excitement from his interactions. He talks to her about her night and his and they go to bed quietly on the outside, but on the inside, the cogs are working overtime. 

#3

He comes home apologetic that he lost track of time and explains fervently the situation that distracted him from messaging on time. Knowing he could have done better, but hoping to stave off her disappointment or anger that was surely brewing. 

#4

He walks in and she makes a sound to let him know she is up, he sighs out loud. She's sitting in the dark at her computer and doesn't look up. She is too afraid to see the ways in which his body rejects her. He says hello, and they go back and forth a few exchanges about end of the night shop talk. He heads for bed after she says she's not and she is invisibly emotional. He asks if there is anything else they HAVE to talk about, and not wanting to upset him or lie, she says no, because he clearly does not want to talk like a couple would after a long hard day. They part ways. She is upset at the obvious shove away from connection. He is oblivious, and ready for bed. 

 

the difference

 Do you know what most other people, versions, similar people in 

my position would have done?

Left

That's what my unique version variation is

I stay

whether you like it or not

I don't run from the challenges

I feed off of them

and they keep me grounded in my work

Without challenges

I will not grow

and hence

must not go.

Monday, April 18, 2022

I wish you could hear me

 Can you hear me?

I'm shouting

ive been where you are

i remember that feeling

and those moods

and those thoughts

i used to think just like you

and then i forgave myself, and you, and saw the light again

and it can happen to you to

you just have to forgive yourself

and forgive me

deeply

and 

truly


Friday, April 8, 2022

Boss Fight 2

 You have to face the giant demons

before you can get to the next level.

and sometimes 

it takes a couple tries 

but you can't give up

sometimes you just need to take a break

without this type of conflict

with ourselves

we remain on the same level

just bopping about 

and pretending the demon is not there

multiverse

 I know there are many universes that we did work out

                                                                      and that we didn't. 

I wish I could say that all of them lead to us working out, but that just isn't reality.

I just hope that this is one where we did

and I can admit I am not sure which one this will be

I am just praying,

and hoping, 

and wishing,

that this was the one where we were happiest of all. 

My new found spring of hope and joy may have come late,

but I am trying to let it be enough to carry us forward from this ditch. 

All I want is our happy place back. 

I miss you

and i'm sorry I chased you away.