Desperate banging for help out of the womb

 I get emotional, and my babies poundings increase

sometimes, i close my eyes

and dream of being gone. 

i want to be nowhere

 floating in space

back where i belong

I want to drive off the interstate

or walk into traffic

and be gone forever

but then i see my boys curly auburn hair

and his beautiful smile

and hear the laughter bellowing from his belly

and silly giggles

and tears flow from my face

the last thing i could ever do

is let go of my babies

never

i could never let them go

they are the sun to my earth

hope is not lost with them. 

never

united states of me

Sometimes i wonder why i spent my whole life chasing the dreams of my fathers and their fathers. To be an American. 

Being an American sucks. 

It is literally the worst kind of person you can be. 

I want to chase being me. 

But now

I feel trapped in a life i already chose to bring me happiness

But is bringing me none. 

Nobody is on my side

Nobody is for me

Nobody is for what makes me feel alive

Except me.