/run on/

I am sitting here typing this out with 30 mins to spare
nehemiah is playing around in his tent but successfully sleep trained for a scheduled bed time.
huzzah!
Alec is out running.
Loki is snuggly curled into bed and waiting for him to come back home for bedtime.
I am watching a tv show about this weird family in Georgia, heating up an aromatherapy heating pad, smoking a big hit and stretching.
When you were leaving,
all i felt was anger.
i want so badly for you to choose to stay home with me and cuddle , for your longing to be with me to be larger than running.
but then i think about how running is really the only vestige you carry with you of yourself through all your phases. its really neat. and i want you to stay as true as you can to yourself in all of this, and i want you to be happy, and i want the hardness of our transition to be as eased as possible. i love you. and this has been difficult. i hate it. i want you to run your heart out. but i also want your heart to be right here next to mine. but its not. i want you. i need you. but i also need you to do you and love you. like i do.
i love you more than life itself.
i will continue to try to do better.
and make emotional choices that better us all.
i'm not even angry.
why would i be.
i just miss you.