Will they ever know
when they look back at family photos
with all of us smiling
and having a "good time"
that all i ever wanted
was assisted suicide
and to run to the Netherlands
to end it all
because ever since I met you
it's all I want?
One day you will find
I have bought a one way ticket to
the Never Lands
to slip into a
dream that I can never
be shaken or waken from again.
and it will all be over
and i will be ok
and i wont be buried under the burdens i carry any longer.
i wont have to hate myself for making
another one of these mistakes
that i have to live through
My children, you were my only last good choices,
of all the choices I made
and everything else
was wishful thinking
I was led to by false prophets
who were actually there
to crush my spirit and leave me to dance
my marionette fumble.
Just know that my happiness with you children
was the last I ever felt
in my whole body
and was never feigned
from beginning to end
and in the midst of all the darkness I felt eating my soul
you were the only gleams of light that kept me going.
The smiles I shared with at you
and to you
and for you
were always the truest I have ever felt.
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