Mexican Mermaid

I write with red for the passion in my blood. 
The want to be on the other side, to be part of a world that isn't mine.
My hunger for this world turns to lust and passion, it becomes a sick fascination.
I want to be part of a world that isn't mine and will never be mine, and when I finally 
have it,
I don't want it and I realize I had the answer all along in the millions of words that I have written and 
the analyzing of a million parts. 
I am not meant to be here, I am not meant to be this person, and I have tried to warp myself into a being that would fit. 
I don't like what I see in the mirror and I don't like what it is I have to offer the world right now which isn't much considering the potential I have in my body and the evidence of my past that says I used to make a difference. 
Now I am solely an instrument of destruction. 
How do I get out of this spot?
I only have feelings for Dan when I am fighting for or with him. 
In the calm, I feel nothing for him. 
and I don't want to. 
I want to leave the loser and I want to leave him broken and penniless. 
I want to take what he has and destroy it. I want to leave him like he has made me. 
He is a child in a man's body and will never be anything else. 
He will remain this way until his father dies, in which time he will take over as the 
Booton man loser. The King of the loser clan, more powerful, more of a loser, and more destructive. 
How can I say this about someone if I love them?
The answer seems easy. 
I do not love him, and I never will. 
But why do I sit here and agonize when I can hop on a plane, go home and start over?
Because I will find a way to absolutely destroy him in time,
because I don't want him to hurt. I want him to burn and to watch as it happens. 
So enjoy your wank in the shower, monkey.